NOW NOW WE ALL KNOW THAT WE ARE FRIENDS WITH CANADA, BUT YOU HAVE GOT TO READ THIS... YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT!

USA VS CANADA "TRUE STORY"

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.
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Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
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Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
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Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
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Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN,
THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES NAVY'S ATLANTIC FLEET.
WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS,
THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS.
I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH,
THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH,
OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
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Canadians: This is a lighthouse.
Your call.
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That's all for today I can't stands no more! Popeye!

Your friends
Man Mountain Dean and
airanna!

NOW REMEMBER FOLKS THERE'S NO WAY I CAN MAKE THESE STORIES UP THEY ARE "TRUE STORIES!"
read on .......

"Loosing your brains?"

A woman named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next to a car with a woman sitting in it, her eyes closed and hands behind her head, apparently sleeping.

When Linda came out a while later, she again saw the woman, her hands still behind her head but with her eyes open. The woman looked very strange, so Linda tapped on the window and said "Are you okay?"

The woman answered, "I've been shot in the head, and I am holding my brains in."

Linda didn't know what to do; so she ran into the store where store officials called the paramedics.
They had to break into the car because the door was locked.
When they got in, they found that the woman had bread dough on the back of her head and in her hands.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded, apparently from the heat in the car, making a loud explosion like that of a gunshot, and hit her in the head. When she reached back to find what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains.
She passed out from fright at first, then when she regained consciousness, attempted to hold her brains in!
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Now that's what I call "using your head"
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS

HERE IS A STORY ABOUT A WHITE LADY WHO GOT OFF IN LA TO CONDUCT SOME BUSINESS AND ENDED UP IN THE HEAT OF THE RIOTING IN LA....REMEMBER THIS IS A "TRUE STORY"

A white lady on business arrived in LA in the heat of the rioting.
She was very nervous and distressed about her safety and the danger she felt lurked around every corner. After checking in at the front desk she headed to the elevator. Upon arriving at the elevator there were already 3 black men on it. She quickly debated with herself about the situation. "This is ridiculous, I have nothing to fear from these men, here in the middle of a reputable hotel. Ok, no problem, I'm going to ride this elevator,etc...." She then stepped into the elevator and quickly turned her back on the 3 men and faced the door. Shortly after the door closed, she heard one of the men say, "Hit the floor, lady." She immediately dropped to her stomach in terror. Upon her quick dive for the floor the 3 men broke out hysterically in laughter. The man after all, had simply meant for her to select the floor she wished to go to. She was terribly shaken and embarrassed about the whole thing, but tried to shake it off as she had several days of business to attend to. At the end of her stay she went
to check out of the hotel and pay for her room. To her confusion the clerk informed her that her room had been taken care of. He then handed her a note and explained that the person who had picked up the tab for the room had left it. And the note said: Thanks for the best laugh I've ever had in an elevator! Eddie M

HERE IS TWO STORIES THAT ARE "TRUE BELIEVE IT OR NOT" THAT I PICK
FOR TODAYS ENTRY. I DON'T KNOW IF THERE WILL BE A PART SEVEN OR NOT I AM NOW HAVING TROUBLE WITH SITE. SO ENJOY THESE THAT I CHOOSE FOR YOU.

YOU THINK YOU GOT TROUBLES? READ THIS POOR GUYS;

In March 1992 a man living in Newtown near Boston Massachusetts received a bill for his as yet unused credit card
stating that he owed $0.00.
He ignored it and threw it away.

In April he received another and threw that one away too.
The following month the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he didn't send them $0.00 by return of post.

He called them, talked to them, they said it was a computer error and told him they'd take care of it.

The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome credit card figuring that if there were purchases on his account it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament.

However, in the first store that he produced his credit card in payment for his purchases he found that his card had been canceled. He called the credit card company who apologized for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it.

The next day he got a bill for $0.00 stating that payment was now OVERDUE.

Assuming that having spoken to the credit card company only the previous day the latest bill was yet another mistake he ignored it, trusting that the company would be as good as their word and sort the problem out.

The next month he got a bill for $0.00 stating that he had 10 days to pay his account or the company would have to take steps to recover the debt.

Finally giving in he thought he would play the company at their own game and mailed them a check for $0.00.

The computer duly processed his account and returned a statement to the effect that he now owed the credit card company nothing at all.
A week later, the man's bank called him asking him what he was doing writing a check for $0.00.
After a lengthy explanation the bank replied that the $0.00 check had caused their check processing software to fail.

The bank could not now process ANY checks from ANY of their customers that day because the check for $0.00 was causing the computer to CRASH!

The following month the man received a letter from the credit card company claiming that his check had bounced and that he now owed them $0.00 and unless he sent a check by return of post they would be taking steps to recover the debt.

The man, who had been considering buying his wife a computer for her birthday, bought her a typewriter instead.

NOW YA CAN BLAME THE GUY CAN YA [
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ON FOR THE ROAD:

I was 17, and had mentioned to my father that I was thinking of buying a rubber boat for use as a scuba platform. My father managed to get me one from the F.A.A. where he worked. (Don't ask. I never did). What he brought me was one of those Air Force survival rafts that they issue to bomber crews with up to 10 men. I couldn't wait to test it, so I called Jason, and told him to come on over. I took the back seat out of my VW bug, and laid the seat back down. This makes a VW bug kind of like a hatch back without the hatch. Jason got over to my place, just as our girlfriends showed up. They had come over to see if we wanted to go swimming. I crammed the raft, and both girls in the back of the VW (it was really tight), and Jason in the passenger seat up front, and took off. I got onto IH35 in Oklahoma City to head for one of the area lakes. The windows were down and the hot August wind was roaring through the car like a minor hurricane. My girlfriend started complaining about the wind, and a little red tag that kept getting tangled
in her hair. I told her not to mess with the tag, but she got mad and gave it a good hard yank, intending to throw it out the window. Can you guess what that little red tag was for? Yep, that dang raft started to inflate right there in the VW! It takes about 15 seconds for one of those things to inflate, and for the first 5 seconds or so I was frozen with something of a mixture fear, amazement, and a sense of “this really can't be happening!'' In the 6th second the raft started pushing my head down against the steering wheel hard enough that I couldn't really see where I was going, and started pushing the windows that weren't down out of their frames, and onto the road. By the time I got my wits back, the
raft was fully inflated. I managed to push my head up enough to see where I was going, and hopefully avoid creaming anyone else on the road. By this time the real chaos had started. The girls were screaming their fool heads off, Jason waslaughing like an idiot, and the Oklahoma Highway Patrolman that had been following me when all this
started had turned on his siren. I finally got the car to the center median, and stopped. I got hold of the door handle to open the door and pulled. The door shot open, and the raft
exploded out of the car pushing me ahead of it. When I got to my feet, the first thing I saw was the OHP cop laughing so hard he had tears running down his cheeks,
and having a hard time breathing. I managed to get the deflate mechanism activated and the raft started to deflate. By this time the cop was breathing again and somewhat coherent. He came over and told me that was the funniest thing he had ever seen. I asked if I was going to get a ticket? He said no, he just wanted to make sure no one got hurt. We folded the raft as best we could and went back to my place. The real fun was trying to convince my insurance company that all that glass damage really was because a life raft had inflated inside the car. They did payoff, but only after the insurance adjuster had talked to the OHP COP.

now now, It is now nice to laugh at the kid
Ah well at least he didn't get a ticket

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND
YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND
THE BACK ALLEY GANG WITH
ARIANNA

Guess I made a BOO BOO YESTERDAY
Today is Number Five in our "Funny stories from around the world"
ah Well it happens sometimes when you're old But It is still funny no? Yes? so enough talk! let's gooooooooooooooooo!

is common practice in England to ring a telephone by signaling extra voltage across one side of the two-wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two-wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signaled without disturbing each other. Anyway, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called, and that on the few occasions when it did ring her dog always barked first. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring. He tried again. The dog barked loudly, followed by a ringing telephone. Climbing down form the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. A dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain and collar.
2. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current.
3. After several such jolts, the dog would start barking and urinating on the ground.
4. The wet ground now completed the circuit and the phone would ring
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FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The FBI was taping all conversations at the hospital, and this conversation took place when the agent in charge called a nearby pizza delivery service to order.
Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
Pizza Man: I don't think so. Click.
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In rural Carbon County, PA, a group of men were drinking beer and discharging firearms from the rear deck of a home owned Irving Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a raccoon that was wandering by, but the beer apparently impaired their aim and, despite of the estimated 35 shots the group fired, the animal escaped into a 3-foot diameter drainage pipe some 100 feet away from Mr. Michaels deck. Determined to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a can of gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to smoke the animal out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite the fuel, Michaels emptied the entire 5-gallon fuel can down the pipe and tried to ignite it again, to no avail. Not one to admit defeat by wildlife, the determined man proceeded to slide feet-first approximately 15 feet down the sloping pipe to toss the match. The subsequent
fireball propelled Mr. Michaels back the way he had come, though at a much higher rate of speed. He exited the angled pipe "like a Polaris missile leaves a submarine," according to witness Joseph McFadden, 31. Mr. Michaels was launched directly over his own home, right over the heads of his astonished friends, onto his front lawn. In all, he traveled over 200 feet through the air. "There was a Doppler Effect to his scream as he flew over us," McFadden reported, "Followed by a loud thud.” Amazingly, he suffered only
minor injuries. "It was actually pretty cool," Michaels said, "Like when they shoot someone out of a cannon at the circus. I'd do it again if I was sure I wouldn't get hurt."
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Hope you enjoyed today's efforts.
Next time PART SIX of our trip around the world
YOUR FRIEND,
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND
THE BACK ALLEY GANG WITH
LULU AND HER SINGING CAT'S MEOW WITH
THE NEWEST MEMBER ARIANNA!