LITTLE MARY & JOHNIE IN SUNDAY SCHOOL

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
"Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"
When Mary didn't stir,
little Johnny, an altruistic boy
seated in the chair behind her,
took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty !" shouted Mary and the teacher said,
"Very good" and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary,
"Who is our Lord and Savior?"
But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue
and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!"
shouted Mary and the teacher said, "Very good,"
and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question,
"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time Mary jumped up and shouted,
"If you stick that damn thing in me one more time,
I'll break it in half!"
The Teacher fainted.

"SHORT FUSE"

There were these two people in a bar,
a boy and a girl.

They started talking and decided to go back to the guy's house.

When they got there the man took off his shirt and said,

"This is 1,000 pounds of dynamite."

The girl was sweating.

Then he took off his pants and said,
"This is another 1,000 pounds of dynamite."

By now, the girl wanted to jump on him.

Then he took off his boxers......

and the girl started to run for the door.

The guy asked, "Whats wrong? Where are you going?"

The girl said "With 2,000 pounds of dynamite
and such a short fuse, I thought you were going to blow."

TWO LADIES ON A PLANE.......

Two women, one from the north
and one from the south,
are seated next to one another on a plane.
"Where you flyin' to?" says the southern woman.
The northern woman turns up her nose.
"Don't you know you should NEVER end a sentence with a preposition?"

The southern woman thinks about this for a second.

"Where you flyin' to, BITCH?"

"FARMER JOE AND HIS MULE""

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident
were serious enough to take the trucking company
responsible for the accident to court.

In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer
was questioning farmer Joe.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident,
that you were fine?"

"Well, I'll tell you what happened.
I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--"

"I didn't ask for any details,"
the lawyer interrupted.
"Just answer the question.
Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,
that you were fine?"

"Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer
and was driving down the road---"

"Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that,
at the scene of the accident,
this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene
that he was just fine.
Now several weeks after the accident
he is trying to sue my client.
I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested
in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so.

"Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying,
I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule,
into the trailer and was driving her down the highway
when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop signand smacked my truck right in the side.

I was thrown into one ditch
and Bessie was thrown into the other.
I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move.
However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning.
I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident
a Highway Patrolman came on the scene.
He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning
so he went over to her. After he looked at her
he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the Patrolman came across the road
with his gun in his hand and looked at me.
He said,"Your mule was in such bad shape
I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"