FOR MY YOUNG READERS...
OR THE YOUNG AT HEART FOLLOW ME INTO THE SCHOOL CAFETERIA............

"GOD IS WATCHING"..............

Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, "take only one, God is watching."

Moving through the line,
at the other end of the table was
a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
Little Johnny wrote a note, "take all you want,
God is watching the apples."

HAVE SOME COOKIES ON GOD AND ME
ENJOY YOUR DAY
YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN

GOOD MORNING TO YOU
HERE IS THE FINAL PAGE OF "FUNNY SIGNS" ( I think they're real )
I AM GOING TO JUST PRINT 'EM AND LEAVE MY LITTLE GUYS OUT TODAY.
THE FOLLLOWING WAS GIVEN TO ME BY

Zappa fan: HE SAYS HE SEEN THIS ON A

"SEPTIC COMPANY TRUCK
We're number 1
in the number 2 business

On the door of a computer store:
"Out for a quick byte."

In a restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."

Inside a bowling alley:
"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

In a counsellors office:
"Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.

At a Santa Fe gas station:
"We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

In a New York restaurant:
"Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil
ought to see the manager."

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy"

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
"38 years on the same spot."

In a Los Angeles dance hall:
"Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

In a Florida maternity ward:
"No children allowed."

In a New York drugstore:
"We dispense with accuracy."

In the offices of a loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."

In a New York medical building:
"Mental Health Prevention Center"

On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."

At a number of military bases:
"Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
"Now available in multi-packs."

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
"Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
"15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

On a shopping mall marquee:
"Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"

Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."

In the window of an Oregon store:
"Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

In a Maine restaurant:
"Open 7 days a week and weekends."

On a radiator repair garage:
"Best place to take a leak."

In the vestry of a New England church:
"Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

On a roller coaster:
"Watch your head."

On the grounds of a public school:
"No trespassing without permission."

On a Tennessee highway:
"When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
"If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."

And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise
untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says,
"Do not throw stones at this sign."

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS POST
LIKE MY LITTLE FRIEND DID>>>>>>>>>


MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN

"HERE ARE MORE FUNNY SIGNS"
(I think they're real?)

On maternity room door:
"Push, Push, Push!

At an optometrists office "If you don't see what your looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Butchers window:
"Let me meat your needs."

On a fence:
"Salesmen welcome, dog food is expensive."

At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet
-----miss a car payment."

Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary,
we hear you coming."

Outside a hotel:
"Help! We need inn-experienced people."

On a desk in a reception room:
"We shoot every 3rd salesman,
and the 2nd one just left."

In a funeral parlor:
"Ask about our layaway plan."

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers
from any but their own graves."

In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."

THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY PLEASE COME BACK TOMORROW
FOR MORE FUNNY SIGNS PART 3
HAVE A GREAT DAY!
YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN

HERE ARE SOME "FUNNY SIGNS"~~~~~~~
(I think they are real!}

FOR THE PLUMBER:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blow out."

Door of a plastic surgeons office:
"Hello, can we pick your nose?"

Sign at the psychic's hotline:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."

At a laundry shop:
"How about we refund your money,
send you a new one at no charge,
close the store
and have the manager shot.
Would that be satisfactory?"

At a towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg.
We want tows."

Billboard on the side of the road:
"Keep your eyes on the road
and stop reading these signs."

On an electricians truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area:
"If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire, and take appropriate action!"

I think they're real
or should be.
HAVE A GREAT REST OF THE DAY
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN

SOME FUNNY EXCUSE NOTES:
(guess who wrote them? OH! if you're going to do one, don't use these)

Kids Excuse Notes - (Allegedly Original, including spelling)

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

# Please excuse Gloria from Jim today.
She is administrating.

Maryann was absent December 11-16,
because she had a fever,
sore throat, headache and upset stomach.
Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over.
I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the craps.

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent.
She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

HAVE A GREAT DAY
YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN