FOLLOW ME DOWN TO THE COUNTRY STORE.........AND THE "Beware of the Dog" SIGN

Upon entering a small country store, a stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside a harmless old hound dog was asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"

"Yep, that's him," he replied.

The amused stranger inquired, "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

The owner responded, "Because, before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

FOR MY YOUNGER READERS OR THE YOUNG AT HEART JUST THINK, WHAT IF "DR SEUSS WAS A TECHNICAL WRITER FOR THE COMPUTER:

What if Dr. Seuss was a technical writer for the computer?
Here are several examples of what he may write to help you resolve your computer problems.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

If the above doesn't help with your computer troubles,
perhaps this will.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

OH DEAR! OH DEAR!
HOPE THAT HELPS CLEAR UP,
ALL YOUR PROBLEMS AND
YOU CHEER UP!
IF NOT ALL I CAN SAY IS
HAVE A HAPPY HAPPY DAY!

MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND
FRIENDS

FOLLOW ME TO SCHOOL............

Teacher: Can anyone give me the name of a liquid that won't freeze?

Pupil: Hot water !

Teacher: Does anyone know which month has 28 days?

Pupil: All of them !

Why was the head teacher worried?

Because there were so many rulers in the school!

Teacher: I told you to stand at the end of the line?

Pupil: I tried, but there was someone already there!

Teacher: If I bought a hundred current buns for a dollar,
what would each bun be?

Pupil: Stale!

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?

Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

Teacher: What is "can't" short for?

Pupil: Can not miss.

Teacher: and what is "don't" short for?

Pupil: Doughnut !

Teacher: Can anyone tell me what the Dog Star is?

Pupil: Lassie!

Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?

Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines!

Teacher: Why are you standing on your head?

Pupil: I'm just turning over things in my mind, sir!

Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there,
what are you taking for it?

Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me?

CLASS DISSMISSED!!

BIG DEAN, TEACHER

FOLLOW ME TO SEE WHAT YOUR PET IS THINKING......

Dog.... "They keep putting the lid down on the big water bowl."

Goldfish.... "Just because I have a three-second memory, they don't think I'll mind eating the same fish flakes over and over............... Oh boy! Fish flakes!"

Dog...."Man, why do they keep rubbing my nose in it? I already KNOW whose it is!"

Goldfish...."The knight never comes out of the castle to fight me for dominion over the fish tank. So I must continue patrolling, for I am lord and master!"

Parrot...."Tease, tease, tease! But do those greedy clowns ever really give me a cracker? HELL NO!"

Cat...."Why are these people in my house?"

Dog "I don't care if you take the jewelry or money, but don't mess with the fridge."

Goldfish "Oh, tap-tap-tap! There's a new one!"

Cat "I wish he would stop kicking me down the stairs."

Dog...."The 'pretending to throw a stick' game is getting old, but I seem unable to stop myself from looking for it."

Cat...."Why did they put this service bell on my neck if they're not going to answer to it."

Dog.... "Why is the baby eating my food..."

Hamster.... "Kill me, this wheel is boring."

Iguana...."Oh great, another day of being in this small little cage with my food bowl, my water and these darn annoying wood chips.

Dog.... "Man, my dog food looks exactly like my crap! Well if I'm ever hungry I'll know there's plenty for me in the backyard..."

Gerbil.... "OH NO, not again!"

Dog.... "I bet if he could do that, he wouldn't be telling me to stop."

Cat.... "Oh no, he's picking me up to do another 'land on all fours off the balcony' test again."

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS LIKE THESE?
TELL ME ABUT THEM, I LIKE TO KNOW

HAVE A GREAT DAY
YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN

"LET'S DO SOME TIME TRAVELING INTO THE FUTURE" 'HEADLINES OF THE FUTURE'


Get a glimpse into life far into the future, in the year 2056...

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2058.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise are the keys to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2057.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped!

Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting machine

BIG DEAN