Everything Men Know About Women
The following is a comprehensive federal study, approved by the Attorney General:

Everything Men Know About Women
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End of Report!
U.S. Attorney General's Office
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BIG DEAN

{DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT RESPONSABLE FOR CONTENTS OF THESE STATEMENTS,OR FIGHTS RESULTING THEREFROM!
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

HMMMM! Who makes the Rules in a Family?
WELL LET'S SEE:
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The female makes the rules!
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The female is never wrong!
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The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior notification
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1-No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted
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2-If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules, she has the right to immediately change some or all of the rules.
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3-If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding which was the direct result of vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
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4-The male must must always apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See above rule.
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5-The female may change her mind at any time for any reason
or no reason at all.
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6-The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances without the express written consent of the female which is given only in cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no indication of that wish.
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7-The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the female's being angry or upset. The female may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying attention
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8-The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset
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9-The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the female
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10-The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish
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11-The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable
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12-If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behavior she wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior
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13-Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained.
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13-A Begging the female for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.
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PLEASE NOTE: These rules are subject to change as the female sees fit. All rules are null and void under the PMS Exception Law. New rules apply during different stages of a women's life.
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and there my male friends is why it is good to HIDE when most of these things happen
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Love and being in Love is a wonderful thing.
You are like the cap't of a large ship going through Shark filled waters you are watchful but not afraid. You sail ahead through storms of life with your mate by your side if your lucky,
till you reach the other side and sail no more.
have a wonderful day my friends
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS

OH SO YOU THINK YOU'RE EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH WELL LET'S SEE WHAT YHOUR BOSS REALLY THINKS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR WORK!

"A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION"

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle.

Bob works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues.

Bob neverthinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

finishes given assignments on time.

Often Bob takes extended measures to complete his work,
sometimes skipping coffee breaks.

Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no vanity

in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge
in his field.

I firmly believe that Bob can be classed as a high-caliber employee,

the type which cannot be dispensed with.

Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be promoted to executive management,

and a proposal will be sent away as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Project Leader

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The following Memo was soon sent following "The Letter"

That stupid dolt was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read every second line (i.e.. 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, ..) for my true assessment of him.



Regards,

Derek Crabb
Project Leader
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.Guess the true feelings came out here and Bobby is in big trouble!
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MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN

YOU COME IN TO WORK AND ARE HANDED THIS LIST, AND BUSH IS TELLING US HOW GREAT WE HAVE IT THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU! :

Sick Leave Policy
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY

*SICKNESS
No excuse...We will no longer accept your
doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

* AN OPERATION:

We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation.
We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.

DEATH:

*Other than your own.
This is no excuse for missing work.
There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements.However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early,provided your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.

*Your own:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks noticeas we feel it is your duty to train your replacement.

ALSO:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.
For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00-8:15, and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again.

We appreciate your cooperation,

CHEAPSKATE INC.

(Note to all my friends out there if you get this notice RUN!

YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS

My answer to "What to do with Bin Laden?"
Well, this sounds good to me.
It would be true poetic justice:
Killing him will only create a martyr.
Holding him prisoner will inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release.

Therefore, I suggest we do neither.

Let the Secret Service,
Navy Seals,
or whomever covertly capture him,
fly him to an undisclosed hospital,
and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation.

Then we return "her" to Afghanistan to live as a woman under the Taliban.

YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS