Blogstream   -   Create a Blog!   -   Login Chat   -   Options   -   Clean   -   Flag   -   Family Filter: Off   -   Recent   -   Rndm >>    

 
BIG DEANS FUNNY STUFF FOR YOU!


 NOW FOR THE BIG QUESTION..."WHY"
 

NOW FOR THE BIG QUESTION, ....."WHY"

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery!"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips after you use it?

Why is it necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why is what doctors do called "practice?"

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?

HMMM..WHY?.......nobody knows!

YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS

MySpaceGraphicsandAnimations.com

Graphics provided by MySpaceGraphicsandAnimations.com

Posted by BIG DEAN at 12:11 PM - 7 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 AGING..................
 

............AGING

Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.
I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
And he answered, "Because of the Seniors Discount."

I went to McDonald's for a burger and fries;
And there, once again, got quite a surprise.
The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.
He said, "For you, Seniors, the coffee is free."

Understand---I'm not old---I'm merely mature;
But some things are changing, temporarily, I'm sure.
The newspaper print gets smaller each day,
And people speak softer---can't hear what they say.

My teeth are my own (I have the receipt.),
and my glasses identify people I meet.
Oh, I've slowed down a bit...not a lot, I am sure.
You see, I'm not old...I'm only mature.

The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.
You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.
Washing my hair has turned it all white,
But don't call it gray...saying "blond" is just right.

My car is all paid for...not a nickel is owed.
Yet a kid yells, "Old duffer...get off of the road!"
My car has no scratches...not even a dent.
Still I get all that guff from a punk who's "Hell bent."

My friends all get older...much faster than me.
They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.
I've got "character lines," not wrinkles...for sure,
But don't call me old...just call me mature.

The steps in the houses they're building today
Are so high that they take your breath all away;
And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.
That should explain why my walking is slow.

But I'm keeping up on what's hip and what's new,
And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.
I'm still in the running...in this I'm secure,
I'm not really old...I'm only mature.

note i did not write this one although most of the above sounds like me and a lot of folks like me
Posted by BIG DEAN at 4:23 AM - 4 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 SIGNS FOUND IN THE KITCHENS
 

Signs Found in Kitchens

1. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious.
.
2. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
.
3. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
.
4. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
.
5. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
'
6. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
.
7. Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.
.
8. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
.
9. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
.
10. Housework done properly can kill you.
.
11. Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.
.
12. My next house will have no kitchen — just vending machines.
.

Here's hoping this brings a little sunshine to your day
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS
Posted by BIG DEAN at 4:50 AM - 9 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 WHY PARENTS HAVE GRAY HAIR.....................
 

why parents have gray hair
Just a reminder........

Why Parents Have Gray Hair

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!




WELL I GUESS THIS IS REAL GOOD REASON RIGHT? I AM GLAD I AM NOT THAT KID!
Posted by BIG DEAN at 12:36 PM - 2 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
 DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN
 

OK LADIES, SEE HOW MANY APPLY TO YOU!

Dictionary for women:

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN
Posted by BIG DEAN at 12:23 PM - 4 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
Pages:   1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53
   
  About Me
Author: BIG DEAN
From KENTUCKY, USA
Age: 63
 
This blog is about...
HI, I WILL POST FUNNY STUFF THAT I FIND ON THE WEB MY AIM IS TO BRING A SMILE OR TWO TO YOU.... more
 
My: Profile  Gallery  Interests  Bio  Guestbook  100 Things 
 
Bookmark   History

  Blogstream Sponsors
Have you checked out the new Blogstream site,

Question Stream.com?

Many Blogstream members are there already! Quotes from members: "It's like blog lite!" -- "I like the instant gratification!" -- "Stop spectating, get in the game!"

If you have not joined in, you are really missing out!

Send Free
Just Saying Hi
Greeting Cards
at

Greeting Cards.com


Good Morning


  Recent Posts

  Blogs I Like

  Sites I Like

  Archives

3249 Visitors