Heal The Sick
Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on TV.

The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their TV set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the TV, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.

Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch.

Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead."

NOW IF THIS ONE DON'T GET YA I GIVE UP
YOUR PAL
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS

The Queen And Dolly
Queen Elizabeth & Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before the angel to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in. The angel asks Dolly if there is some particular reason why she should go to heaven, whereupon she takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day for eternity." The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.

The Queen drops her skirt and panties and takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up and douches with it. The angel says, "OK, Your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged. "What is that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She performs a rude act of hygiene and she gets in. Can you explain that to me?"

"Sorry Dolly", says the angel, "but even in heaven, a royal flush beats two of a kind."

SORRY ABOUT THAT ONE DOLLY, I PERFER YOU ANY OLD ON DAY
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS

Walking Economy
A guy is walking down the street with his friend.
He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy."

His friend replies, "How's that?"

"It's like this -- my hair line is in recession,
my stomach is a victim of inflation,
and the combination of these factors is putting me into a deep depression."

HMMM, SEEMS LIKE THIS GUY CAN'T WIN
YOUR PAL
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS

If Men Got Pregnant:

1. Morning sickness would rank as the nations number one health problem.

2. Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay.

3. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.

4. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

5. All methods of birth control would become 100% effective.

6. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

7. There would be a cure for stretch marks.

8. They would serve beer instead of coffee at antenatal classes.

9. Men wouldn't think twins were so cute.

10. Sons would have to come home from dates by 9 pm.

AH WELL I KNOW I AM IN TROUBLE FOR PRINTING THIS ONE FELLOWS!
YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN

The Dead Guy
A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy.

St. Peter goes through the Book several times, furrows his brow and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you ever did anything really bad in your life, but you never did anything really good either. If you can point to even one really good deed--you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and saw a giant group of Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em ripping the clothes off this terrified young woman.

Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang, a Huge Guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Layed him out. Then I turned and yelled at the rest of them, 'Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, impressed, says, "Really? When did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."

your friend
man mountain dean