OLD AGE.."THE PROPOSAL"

An elderly widow and widower had been dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry him.

When he asked her, she immediately said "yes".

The next morning when he awoke,
he couldn't remember what her answer was!
"Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..."

After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail,
he got on the telephone and gave her a call.
Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal
.

"Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was...."
YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS

"Spell the Magic Word"

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw that it was so beautiful.

Saint Peter came by; the woman said to him "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word", Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About six months later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.



"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said.
"How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.


"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.


And then I won the lottery.


I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion.


And my wife and I traveled all around the world.


We were on vacation and I went water skiing today.
I fell, the ski hit my head,

and here I am. How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word", the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

"Czechoslovakia.



GUESS THIS GUY SHOULD HAVE KEPT HIS BIG MOUTH SHUT

HAVE A GREAT DAY
YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN

GETTING INTO HEAVEN "IT'S ALL FREE"

This is Heaven This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise.
When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "ooohed and aaahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to see the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.

The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.

"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods?" the old man asked timidly. "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

The old man looked at his wife and said,

"You and your bran muffins. I could have been here ten years ago!



AND THERE'S MORE!
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN

"GETTING OLD"

More Wisdom?

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look to astonished.

I tried to get a life once, but they were out of stock.

Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.

If your living on the edge, make sure your wearing your seatbelt.

There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead.

The unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

I JUST PRINT 'EM SO DON'T BLAME ME!

PARENTS:
Please note this is a "adult rated story please read first"

"A Great Retirement Present"

The neighborhood postman was retiring after 25 years. On his last day of delivering mail, all of the people on his route left him something in the mail box in honor of his retirement. Some left money, some left small gifts, and some met him at the door and invited him in for a meal. This went on all through the neighborhood. As he proceeded through his route, the gifts got better and better. One house even gave him a gold watch!

He was so satisfied, but the last house paled in comparison. As he was putting the mail in the mailbox, the door opened, and the woman of the house stood there in beautiful lingerie. She invited him inside. He knew that this woman's husband was a truck driver and was away, so he went inside. She proceeded to give him the day and night of his life.

The next morning he woke up to find she was bringing him breakfast in bed. He found a dollar bill under his plate as he ate and asked her about it. She explained, "When I called my husband to tell ask him what we should give you for your retirement, he said, 'screw him, give him a dollar.' Breakfast was my idea."

HAVE A GREAT DAY
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN