YOU COME IN TO WORK AND ARE HANDED THIS LIST, AND BUSH IS TELLING US HOW GREAT WE HAVE IT THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU! :

Sick Leave Policy
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY

*SICKNESS
No excuse...We will no longer accept your
doctor's statement as proof. We believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

* AN OPERATION:

We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation.
We believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.

DEATH:

*Other than your own.
This is no excuse for missing work.
There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can attend to the arrangements.However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave 1 hour early,provided your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.

*Your own:

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks noticeas we feel it is your duty to train your replacement.

ALSO:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.
For instance, those whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00-8:15, and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again.

We appreciate your cooperation,

CHEAPSKATE INC.

(Note to all my friends out there if you get this notice RUN!

YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS

My answer to "What to do with Bin Laden?"
Well, this sounds good to me.
It would be true poetic justice:
Killing him will only create a martyr.
Holding him prisoner will inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release.

Therefore, I suggest we do neither.

Let the Secret Service,
Navy Seals,
or whomever covertly capture him,
fly him to an undisclosed hospital,
and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation.

Then we return "her" to Afghanistan to live as a woman under the Taliban.

YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS

HERE'S IS A SOME VERY GOOD REASONS WHY YOU
SHOULD NEVER NAME YOUR DOG "SEX"
LET'S ALL READ THIS POOR FELLOWS STORY:

"A DOG NAMED SEX"



Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.



When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"



One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.



When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"



Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.



Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend
so get yourself a dog."





GUESS THIS GUY JUST SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN BED FOR THE NEW YEAR

HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY AND A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS

WISHING YOU AND YOURS THE VERY BEST NEW YEAR EVER FULL OF GOOD FRIENDS, FAMILY AND HEALTH!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS