YOU MIGHT BE A COLLEGE STUDENT IF YOU FIT ANY OF THE FOLLOWING:

If you average 3 hours of sleep a night

If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn't

If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week

If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy

If you wake up 10 minutes before class

If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row -- without washing them

If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class

If your social life consists of a date with the library

If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room

If you carry less than a dollar on your person

If you haven't done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class

If you celebrate when you find a quarter

If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over

If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself

If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis

If you get more sleep in class than in your room

If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles

If you can sleep through your roommate's blaring stereo

If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes

If you get more e-mail than mail......

THEN YOU MIGHT BE A COLLEGE STUDENT!!!
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Well did you fall into this list?
Then I guess you are a "college student"
Good luck to you I hope all your dreams come true!
YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN

OK, SO HERE'S 23 THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO WRITTEN BY KIDS! (Parents And Grandparents Take notes! See 22 &23)

"Kids" Little Instructions on Life."

1. "Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching."
-Andrew, Age 9

2. "Wear a hat when feeding seagulls."
-Rocky, age 9

3. "Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning."
-Stephanie, age 8

4. "Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower."
-Lamar, age 10

5. "Never ask for anything that costs more than $5 when your parents are doing taxes."
-Carrol, age 9

6. "Never bug a pregnant mom."
-Nicholas, age 11

7. "Don't ever be too full for dessert."
-Kelly, age 10

8. "When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer him."
-Heather, age 16

9. "Never tell your mom her diet's not working."
-Michael, age 14

10. "Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat." -Joel, age 12

11. "When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone."
-Alyesha, age 13

12. "Never try to baptize a cat."
-Laura, age 13

13. "Never spit when on a roller coaster."
-Scott, age 11

14. "Never do pranks at a police station."
-Sam, age 10

15. "Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving."
-Rob, age 10

16. "Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do."
-Hank, age 12

17. "Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand."
-Molly, age 11

18. "Listen to your brain. It has lots of information."
-Chelsey, age 7

19. "Stay away from prunes."
-Randy, age 9

20. "Never dare your little brother to paint the family car."
-Phillip, age 13

21. "Forget the cake, go for the icing."
-Cynthia, age 8

22. **"Remember the two places you are always welcome-church and Grandma's house."
-Joanne, age 11

23. **"When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents."
-Matthew, age 12
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.YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS

Everything Men Know About Women
The following is a comprehensive federal study, approved by the Attorney General:

Everything Men Know About Women
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End of Report!
U.S. Attorney General's Office
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BIG DEAN

{DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT RESPONSABLE FOR CONTENTS OF THESE STATEMENTS,OR FIGHTS RESULTING THEREFROM!
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

HMMMM! Who makes the Rules in a Family?
WELL LET'S SEE:
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The female makes the rules!
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The female is never wrong!
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The rules are subject to change by the female at any time without prior notification
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1-No male can possibly know all the rules. Attempts to document the rules are not permitted
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2-If the female suspects that the male may know some or all of the rules, she has the right to immediately change some or all of the rules.
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3-If the female is wrong, it is because of an egregarious misunderstanding which was the direct result of vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
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4-The male must must always apologize immediately for having been the cause of the misunderstanding without any clues from the female as to what he did to have caused the misunderstanding. See above rule.
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5-The female may change her mind at any time for any reason
or no reason at all.
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6-The male is never permitted to change his mind or under circumstances without the express written consent of the female which is given only in cases where the female wanted him to change his mind but gave no indication of that wish.
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7-The female has the right to be angry or upset for any reason, real or imagined, at any time and under any circumstance which in her sole judgement she deems appropriate. The male is not to be given any sign of the root cause of the female's being angry or upset. The female may, however, give false or misleading reasons to see if the male is paying attention
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8-The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. Under no circumstances may the female give the male any clue or indication whether or why she wants him to be angry or upset
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9-The male is expected to read the mind of the female at all times. Failure to do so will result in punishments and penalties imposed at the sole discretion of the female
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10-The female may, at any time and for any reason, resurrect any past incident without regard to temporal or spacial distance, and modify, enlarge, embellish, of wholly reconstruct it in order to demonstrate to the male that he is now or has in the past been wrong, insensitive, pig-headed, dense, deceitful, and/or oafish
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11-The female may use her interpretation of any past occurrence to illustrate the ways in which the male has failed to accord her the consideration, respect, devotion, or material possessions, he has bestowed on other females, domestic pets or barnyard animals, sports teams, automobiles, motorcycles, boats, aircraft, or coworkers. Such illustrations are non-rebuttable
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12-If the female is experiencing PMS, Post-PMS, or Pre-PMS, the female is permitted to exhibit any manner of behavior she wishes without regard to logical consistency or accepted norms of human behavior
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13-Any act, deed, word, expression, statement, utterance, thought, opinion, or belief by the male is subject to the sole, subjective interpretation of the female, other external factors not-withstanding. Alibis, excuses, explanations, defenses, reasons, extenuations, or rationalizations will not be entertained.
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13-A Begging the female for mercy and forgiveness are acceptable under some circumstances, especially when accompanied by tangible evidence of contrition.
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PLEASE NOTE: These rules are subject to change as the female sees fit. All rules are null and void under the PMS Exception Law. New rules apply during different stages of a women's life.
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and there my male friends is why it is good to HIDE when most of these things happen
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Love and being in Love is a wonderful thing.
You are like the cap't of a large ship going through Shark filled waters you are watchful but not afraid. You sail ahead through storms of life with your mate by your side if your lucky,
till you reach the other side and sail no more.
have a wonderful day my friends
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN AND FRIENDS

OH SO YOU THINK YOU'RE EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH WELL LET'S SEE WHAT YHOUR BOSS REALLY THINKS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR WORK!

"A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION"

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle.

Bob works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues.

Bob neverthinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

finishes given assignments on time.

Often Bob takes extended measures to complete his work,
sometimes skipping coffee breaks.

Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no vanity

in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge
in his field.

I firmly believe that Bob can be classed as a high-caliber employee,

the type which cannot be dispensed with.

Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be promoted to executive management,

and a proposal will be sent away as soon as possible.

Sincerely,

Project Leader

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The following Memo was soon sent following "The Letter"

That stupid dolt was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read every second line (i.e.. 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, ..) for my true assessment of him.



Regards,

Derek Crabb
Project Leader
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.Guess the true feelings came out here and Bobby is in big trouble!
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MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN