At a pharmacy, a blonde woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.
The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.
"It won't work," countered the blonde woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt!"

THINGS NOT TO SAY..............

"ON YOUR FIRST DATE......

#1-I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

#2-I used to come here all the time with my ex.

#3-I never said you NEED a nose job.
I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it.

#4-Could you excuse me?
My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

#-5 I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.

#-6 And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.

#-7 It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.

NOPE, I WOULD NOT SAY THESE THINGS ON A FIRST DATE

AND IF YOU DO DON'T COME TO ME ABOUT THE BLACKEYE OR FRYING PAN!
YOUR FRIEND
MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN

COULD THIS BE "MISTER ED?" WHAT DO YOU THINK?

"The Derby Horse"

A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him
"Hey-come over hear buddy".

The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks"Were you talking to me"?

The horse replies "Sure was, man I've got a problem.
I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago
and this farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plow and I'm sick of it.
Why don't you run up to the houseand offer him $5,000 to buy me.I'll make you some money 'cuz I can still run."

The jogger thought to himself,"boy a talking horse"
Dollar signs$$$$$$$$ started appearing in his head.
So he runs to the house and the old farmer is sitting on the porch.

The jogger tells the farmer "Hey man, I'll give you $5,000 for that old broken down nag you've got in the field".

The farmer replies, "Son you can't believe anything that horse says. He's never even been to Kentucky."


YEP! GUESS THAT'S MR ED!

Two children were in a doctor's waiting room.

The little girl was softly sobbing.

Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.

"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.

When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.

Why are you crying?" asked the girl.

The boy looked at her worriedly and said,
"I'm here for a urine test."

MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN

AND NOW A STORY ABOUT........

"A MAN AND HIS DOG"

A Man and His Dog

A man was watering is lawn one day when he looked and coming up the street was two hearse's followed by a man, his dog and a single file line of about 200 men. The guy watering his lawn thought this was rather odd and decided to ask the first guy (with the dog) what was going on.

The guy said "That's my wife in the first hearse, my dog bit her and she died".

The guy watering the lawn said, "Oh, I'm terribly sorry to hear that, what about the second hearse?".

The other guy said "Well that's my mother-in-law, my dog also bit her and she died."

The guy with the lawn thinks for a minute and says, "Can I borrow your dog?".

The guy with the dog responds, "Back of the line!".



MAN MOUNTAIN DEAN