FOR MY YOUNG READERS OR
THE YOUNG AT HEART "DEFINING TEENAGERS"

A Teenager is...

A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.

A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.
{this discribes alot of older folks I know too}

A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday,
and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday.

Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.

A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed.

A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver's license.

A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn't have to study.

An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.

A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music:

Loud and Very Loud.

A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother.

A person who is always late for dinner
but always on time for a rock concert.

A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.

A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.

A boy who can sleep until noon on any Saturday when he suspects the lawn needs mowing.

An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.

DEAN

FOR MY YOUNGER READERS,
OR THE YOUNG AT HEART:"HOW I EARNED IT!"

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, Well, son, it was 1932,
The depth of the Great Depression.
I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple.
I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day,
I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples.

I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents.

. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"Then my wife's father died
and left us two million dollars."



YOUR FRIEND
DEAN

FOR MY YOUNGER VIEWERS
OR THE YOUNG AT HEART "SHE'S ANGRY AT YOU!"

Worried because they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, "Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?"

A few minutes later, Timmy returned.

"Well," asked Mrs. Silver, "is she all right?"

"She's fine, except that she's angry at you."

"At me?" the woman exclaimed. "Whatever for?"

"She said 'It's none of your business how old she is,'" snickered Timmy.

FOR MY YOUNGER READERS AND
THE YOUNG AT HEART: "HANDLING TEENS"

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.
He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.

Then a new school year began:

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered.

The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them,
he said, "You kids are a lot of fun.
I like to see you express your exuberance like that.
In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age.
Will you do me a favor?
I'll give you each a dollar
if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.

"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus.

A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet,
so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents.
Will that be okay?"







"A lousy quarter?"
the drum leader exclaimed."A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed.
"If you think we're going to waste our time,
beating these cans around for a quarter,
you're nuts! No way, mister.
WE QUIT!"

And the old man enjoyed peace.



DEAN

"Great School Humor":

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

--Groucho Marx

1890-1977

This reminds me of the student who began his Middle Ages story with:

"He was a dark and stormy knight...."

In a survey taken several years ago,
all incoming freshman at MIT were asked
if they expected to graduate in the top half of their class.

Ninety-seven percent responded that they did.

Q: What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

A: The teacher says "Get that gum out of your mouth",
where as the train says "Chew, Chew ".

"The reason that every major university maintains
a department of mathematics is that
it is cheaper to do this than
to institutionalize all those people."

DEAN